Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

I really love Elton John. His music is just incredible, and this song in particular I can relate to because of recent events. As several of you know, Darren and I have been having a few problems in the last couple of weeks. Last night was sadly the worst. It was almost the end of us, and I can't even imagine that possible. For those who don't know what happened, here's the story:

Back in February, Darren's parents said that he can come up and visit me at school during the summer since I won't be home again until Thanksgiving, and there's a good chance he'll be gone by then. I was so excited for this: to it just be the two of us away from our parents and friends, and spend some real time together. We had plans to go to Six Flags and Whitewater for two of those weekends, and the first one, I wanted to sit down and just talk about our wedding to see if having it at Atlantis would be possible. I was getting dreams of him being over and we're cuddling and kissing as always, but it feels more special.

Sadly, reality set in quickly. He just wasn't able to come this weekend. Next weekend, his family is going to Tampa and don't want him driving two hours and them not able to be there if something happens. The last weekend in June he has to go to a Saturday class (I do not want to disclose any more for his privacy). It wasn't the fact that all this was happening, because I'm used to not seeing him. It was how he said it. Honestly, it sounded like he didn't care that our chances of seeing each other were decreasing as each day went by. That was what hurt me. I started to feel like I wasn't important to him anymore, while at the same time, I'm spending about 50 hours on a homemade present for him (still not done with it). I already agreed to wait as his girlfriend for his sake while he's gone, but it appeared that he couldn't even give me one tiny thing that I want, which is to see him. I began to feel some horrible emotions, and then I started realizing that I don't deserve this. I've done all that I can for him. I've given my whole heart to him, and to be treated this way wasn't acceptable. I previously had gone through a relationship like this back in high school, but back then, I didn't know my self-worth. I do now and I know I deserved more.

I told him I was done with this relationship. I was done doing everything for him and getting nothing in return for it. I kept telling him over and over my concerns about all of this, and he never really did anything to rectify it. He listened, but there was no action. I asked him what I was even getting from him if I waited, and what he told me was one of the sweetest things ever. I know some of you have read it, but here's for those who haven't:

"You're getting someone who cares about you more than anything else and would put down anything to talk to you whether you're happy or... sad. Who will do anything to understand what you need from me and everything in my power to do just that. Who will care for you when you're sick and sad, when you're healthy and happy, or when you're mad. I beg at your feet when you get mad because you're worth it. And I know you said don't change but changing will make things easier and I'm willing to change. I'm willing to go out of my way for you to make sure you're safe. And no matter what happens I'll listen and do my best to understand. Even when I get mad, I'll calm down and fix it immediately."
He got me to calm down so we can talk about it without being a scream fest. With that, he told me he was actually crying thirty minutes before he texted me about what happened. I wish he would have told me when he was crying. I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. Sure I still would have been upset that he wasn't coming until July, but at least I would have known he cared. He apologized for it. We told each other what we need out of this relationship, and I realize I'm quick to jump when things aren't going the way I want them to be. I know he's human and he makes mistakes, but I know he loves me and cares about me. I know he would do anything for me if he can do it. He wants me happy, and I can't ask anymore out of him. We apologized to each other and promised to try and work on our problem areas so not only we can be better for each other, but better people in general.

Even though I love Elton John, sorry isn't the hardest word. Goodbye is, especially if it's someone you love.