It's been awhile since I blogged. With the holidays and getting back into the swing of the new semester, I've kept myself occupied. As of right now, we still haven't heard anything about Darren's mission. Supposedly we were supposed to know this month, but there hasn't been any meeting or notice that the papers have finally been submitted. So as of right now, things are still the same: waiting to wait. It's not a fun feeling. It's been about nine months since I started this blog and I'm stuck in the same position. This adds to the stress I'm already under. I do enjoy the time we have together and we enjoyed a nice Christmas break with one another, but this waiting is getting to me.
I want what's best for him, but ever since the end of May there hasn't been anything constructive going on. He did finally get a job Friday delivering pizzas, but as far as his education, I see it getting pushed further and further back. He could have had a semester completed already in culinary arts, but since no one expected that it would take this long, he didn't apply to any schools or taken any classes. For more than half a year he has spent doing nothing but waiting and it pains me. At this rate, I'll be done with school before him, and I have three years after receiving my undergrad in May 2013. It's a sad realization and I hate seeing so much precious time being wasted.
To make this whole discussion even more interesting, I found out last week that my ex got married over the holiday break. Quite off topic I know, but this has been on my mind. He turned 21 back in October and his wife (that was hard to write) is either 19 or barely 20. He was the first guy I ever talked about marriage with, so it's been fairly difficult to swallow this news. I'm not saying that I want to get back with him or anything like that (because I know I'm better off without him in my life), but it's just something I cannot believe. He was my first love, and I don't think I've fully recovered after he broke my heart. I feel that he still has a piece of it and whenever he does something like this, he causes it pain and breaks that piece into many more pieces.
Darren was able to mend my heart after all I've been through and replace that missing piece, so I am able to give him my whole heart, and he's taken care of it. He doesn't take advantage and I've fallen for him hard, so it's frustrating for me to watch him waste his life right now instead of making the best of it. I know it's not his fault, but still. I want him to have experiences, and he isn't getting that. I wish I could do something about it, but instead I'm forced to watch.
