So today I was looking at my "Days We've Been Together" gadget on my blog and I saw that Darren and I have been together for 570 days. A week shy of 19 months for us! Realizing this goal makes me feel that perhaps it is possible for me to wait for him. He and I hardly see each other as it is, so I'm totally not worried about that part of our relationship. The part I am worried about, however, is the fact I will not be able to talk to him on a daily basis. In fact, it scares me. I've become so reliable on him and talking every day, being able to say whatever is on my mind at the moment and him listening to me and make me feel better. Sadly, I've come to realize that it won't be like that soon.
I've had a mixture of emotions about him leaving. I know it will be good for him and it will help him figure out who he is as a person. Also, ever since finding other MGs, there has been a ton of support and suggestions of what to do while he's gone and how to deal with it. For a time, I really felt prepared, almost excited to send him off, just so I can do all that I planned to do (I can't name them since he also reads this blog).
On the other hand, I am also starting to realize how different things will be when he is gone. I'm used to very little hugs and kisses so that's not much of a problem. Who do I call when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep? Who do I tell all my news to first? Who is going to be there for me when I'm going through a rough time and need to smile? Sadly, all these were him, and they will no longer be soon enough. And I also realize exactly how much he'll miss when he's gone. He'll miss two of my birthdays (21st and 22nd), our third and fourth anniversaries, me graduating college and getting accepted to physical therapy school, moving into my own apartment wherever I choose to go, and so much more that could happen. It does hurt that he won't be there for this stuff, especially since he's always been there for other important events in my life. Not to mention we have had drama with our parents about all of this.
What makes it more difficult is that after I graduate from UGA, I have no idea where I'm going to go for PT school. I want to go to Savannah, but really, I could be anywhere from Orlando to Chapel Hill, NC. Then what happens when he comes home to Atlanta? What will happen to us then? I know only he and I can figure out what will happen when that moment comes, but it worries me. I want to be with him, but I can't stop living life just because he's not here. That wouldn't be fair.
Thinking about all this makes me wonder if it will work between us. Then I look at the 570 days we have been together, seeing that majority of it was spent away from each other, and I start to see the possibilities of it all working out. When I'm at school, I live two hours away so we only see each other a couple times a month. We have made it through a week without talking to each other before when he was on vacation, so I just have to think of it as 104 week long vacations and getting a reward (letter, package, etc) at the end of it. I can do this. It will be hard- possibly the hardest thing I will ever endure- but I love him. He means the world to me, and he's my best friend. I will wait for him, but it's the question of whether to wait for him as a friend or as his girlfriend. For that, I will have to open my heart up to the Lord and have Him lead me to the choice.
Hey girlie! I'm in kind of a similar situation, except that I plan to apply to medical school. In my situation, assuming we will be together when he gets back in a year, we will be at the same school for a year before I go to medical school. And, when it comes to medical schools, if you are accepted somewhere, even if it's not in the location or at the school you want to go, you HAVE to go there or your chances of getting into medical school another year are pretty much zero. It scares me when I think that, when I go to medical school, I might have to move away from him. And who knows what that will do to our relationship? But, ultimately, I have to do what I feel is right for me. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am putting my trust in God that things will turn out how they're supposed to.
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